Cicero(1) considered friendship to be among life’s most valuable possessions. This bond is built on the pillars of mutual respect, shared values, and the pursuit of virtue.
Friendship improves happiness and abates misery
by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief.
Cicero
But what happens to this joy and grief when friends are separated by great distances? For many of us, this is not a rhetorical question but a lived experience.
I’ve been thinking about how friendships, often built on shared interests or closeness, change as life takes us in different directions.
From Australia, where I forged lasting friendships in high school and veterinary school, my path led me to the United States. Sleepless nights studying, rugby matches, shared celebrations, and the struggles of early adulthood were all part of my journey with these friends. We created an unshakeable bond, built on both overcoming challenges and celebrating successes.
We were constantly together in those days. We laughed late into the night, dissecting life’s challenges while dreaming of limitless futures.
Our shared cultural ties, love for Australia, veterinary passions, and proximity brought us together. Our lives were inextricably linked.
My departure from Australia to explore the globe impacted the nature of these friendships. To be fair, major life changes (marriages, children, career aspirations and responsibilities, and circumstances beyond our control) affected everyone.
Cicero understood the power of time and distance to test the mettle of any relationship. He noted that true friendship does not rely on constant interaction but on mutual goodwill and understanding.
A friend is, as it were, a second self.
Cicero
Cicero understood the deep-seated connection that endures even in absence. And yet, there is an undeniable shift that occurs when the immediacy of shared experiences gives way to the occasional phone call, message or visit.
With my old friends in Australia, I’ve found that our bond remains strong but has evolved into something more reflective, more about mutual appreciation than daily interaction. We keep up with each other’s milestones, laugh over old memories, discuss personal and family challenges and, when possible, reunite with a joy that feels both nostalgic and affirming.
And yet, there is a wistfulness to these connections. A sense that the deep intimacy we once shared now resides more in the past than in the present.
Distance, I’ve learned, does not diminish the value of these friendships, but transforms them. We are no longer living parallel lives but intersecting ones, meeting at points of shared history and mutual care.
While I once grieved the loss of the constant companionship we enjoyed, I’ve come to cherish the enduring thread that connects us across continents. It is a thread that reminds me of who I was and, perhaps more importantly, of who I continue to be.
Cicero’s wisdom offers reassurance that true friendship is resilient, capable of weathering the trials of time and distance. It thrives not on proximity but on a foundation of mutual respect and affection.
It is love that binds us together in friendship, and love cannot be forced.
Cicero
For those of us who live far from cherished friends, there is comfort in knowing that the essence of our connection does not fade with separation or time. Instead, it becomes a quieter, deeper bond. A bond that withstands the changing circumstances of our lives. And when we do meet again, whether in a sunlit café in Sydney, a quiet restaurant in the country, or a quiet corner of a veterinary class reunion, it is as if no time has passed at all.
Such friendships remind us that even when we go our separate ways, our lives will always be connected.
I’m deeply thankful for that.
Footnote
1. Cicero, born in 106 BCE, was a Roman statesman, orator, philosopher, and writer renowned for his eloquence and defense of the Roman Republic. Cicero's philosophical writings, such as Laelius de Amicitia (On Friendship), explore timeless themes of loyalty, virtue, and the value of true friendship. Despite his brilliance, Cicero's opposition to powerful figures like Julius Caesar and Mark Antony ultimately led to his assassination in 43 BCE.
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